Juicing

No, I'm not referring to loading up on anabolic steroids. I'm referring to the new diet fad involving turning perfectly good solid food into liquid form.

Why, you might ask? Hey, me too.

I got started when my friend Deven suggested that I watch some documentary on Netflix titled, Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead, which chronicles some gazillionaire from Australia's journey into weight loss. So I did. It was inspiring. Not only did Mr. Australian Big Bucks loose lots of weight, his rare skin condition cleared up, his cholesterol went down, and I'm pretty sure it can cure cancer, too, even though they didn't mention it in the documentary. How did he do it?

You guessed it- juicing.

The premise is, why eat only one celery stick when you can reduce an entire bushel down into liquid form and drink that, instead? The fiber that actually fills you up is taken out, and you get all of the "micro-nutrients" that are good for you. It's a micro-nutrient overload.

I really need to stop watching documentaries. I get all excited and gung-ho about whatever it is I see. So off I went to buy a brand-spanking new Jack LaLane juicer and an assortment of fruits and veggies. It just looks so darn appetizing in the pictures... In the documentary, Mr. ABB went on a 30-day (or was it 60-day? I can't remember) fast where all he consumed was juice. I decided that might be a little too extreme for me, so I decided on a nice healthy one-week fast. 7 days. No big deal, right?

WRONG

I have discovered that I HATE juicing. The only thing that I have gotten out of my juicer that I actually wanted to drink or found even remotely appetizing was straight apple juice. If I was feeling particularly adventurous, I'd throw a few grapes or (gasp) a pear into my apple juice. Veggies? Nope. I hate veggies, anyway (I know, I'm the world's worst vegetarian), so I'm not sure what made me think that their taste would magically transform if I just extracted their juice and drank that. Straight carrot juice is tolerable, but I am scared it will make me turn orange like I saw in that one House, M.D. episode.

I tried a variety of different recipes, I tried to make up my own, I tried the "fresh parsley trick" that someone recommended to me (where a handful of fresh parsley allegedly makes any juice taste better). None of it made a difference. I hate juicing. Even my apple juice, which is delicious, is such a PITA to clean up after that it's hardly worth it for one glass. So my $100+ juicer is now hanging out in my garage.

Knowing me, and my inability to completely admit defeat, it will probably live in the garage until I decide that I need to jump back on that bandwagon and try again. This will be a vicious cycle for at least the next few years. In fact, I was considering dragging it back out today for breakfast. Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment like that.